i don’t know about statistics, but i am pretty certain that presently, the universal divorce rate is off the frickin’ charts. i guess i should google some hard facts to back up my statement, but right now i’m just too damn distracted and straight up lazy. lazy is an understatement for i have been slacking off from my daily routines and existing commitments. i am slowly and (un)knowingly committing one of the seven deadly sins on a full time basis. ah shucks.
so back to doomed marriages. why is this happening? why is this the case? or are there underlying factors unknown to us? or are we too ignorant to acknowledge the things that are right in front of us? a friend of mine had recently made an interesting remark. he said, “it is in our habit of complicating even the utmost simplest thing,” point taken there; a clear and honest observation of the general public’s behaviour.
A marriage requires a whole lot of things, for someone like me who has always been skeptical of a deadlock commitment, a marriage is like a complex puzzle and to solve one a person must have a high degree of patience, deep understanding, passion and skills to tackle the puzzle. I generally dislike puzzles. My brain capacity is, I’m afraid rather limited. I don’t think it is fair for me to preach on the fundamentals of what constitute a marriage; for as much like my brain capacity, my knowldege in holy matrimonials are close to zilch.
I know plenty of friends and acquaintances who are going through the complicated stages of separation that almost always lead to a bitter divorce. On average, I daresay that they have been married for about 3 years before deciding to call it quits with reasons that range from incompatibility, infidelity, financial crisis, abuse, distrust and family drama fiasco. To further complicate matters, some have children that have been innocently caught in the marital mess. As a friend, I am obviously biased towards those close to me and would stand by their side and be protective of them regardless. But I would want to satisfy my curiousity as to what’s causing this worrying pattern? Where lies the root of the problem?
I’ve asked several friends and random people to gauge their interest and to see where they stand. To my surprise, most of them are not surprised and that much concerned. This is not to say that they are selfish or oblivious, but to them there are other pressing matters to focus their attention to, say the current state of global economy, poverty, unemployement and day to day problems. To some level, I do agree with them but I can’t shake the feeling that this is not an issue that can be easily dismissed or be made into an afterthought.
We love to gossip, to know the juicy bits when a marriage of someone we know, even by a mere 6 degrees of separation, collapses for whatever reason. Very seldom we offer our shoulders and words of encouragement. Where I come from, perhaps also due to my cultural and racial background, we Malays tend to kepoh but at the same time do not want to masuk campur. Just enough to know the deets to share with others but not enough to be involved and share their pain.
Perhaps because we do not know the right way to go about it? We are not famous for being tactful therefore we do not know how to thread lightly though the intentions sometimes might be pure and honest.
How does a person know when he or she is ready to make a lifelong commitment? Reach a certain age? Financially solid? Can no longer live under parents scrutiny? Inability to control the sexual urges? (Applies to only the strictest of my Muslim friends and readers)
Even then, there are no guarantees that the marriage will last for all eternity. So we are back to where we started, which is nowhere. Sigh.
It was pointed out to me not long ago that women nowadays are pretty much ‘liberated’. They know of their rights and have developed a strong will to be independant, not submissive and strive for the very best, especially in education and achieving career goals. Therefore, not many are willing to make certain sacrifices hence becoming the contributing facfor to one of the reasons I mentioned earlier on.
Yes, this is a p.o.v of man and I wonder if he is right or partially right even?
Should we the fairer sex, blame men for having god complex egos, high dose of pride, and the inability to concede defeat?
For some women, these traits are the reason why they were attracted to them in the first place.
Behold the irony.
Should we still learn how to know our ‘place’ as a women and a wife? Isn’t marriage a form of partnership and not some kind of an ownership?
To quote a line from one of my favourite films entitled Cinta by khabir bhatia, “isteri bukanlah hak milik, tetapi suatu anugerah”.
(A wife is not a prize possesion but in fact, a gift/blessing)
I am a firm believer that it takes more than love to sustain this sacred commiment. But I also know I must be truly at peace with myself when the time comes for me to settle down. Insyaallah, I will find happiness and be content with the decisions that I will make, for God willing, I do not want to be one of the statistics.