changing the tempo here than my usual gibberish. bear with me.
it has been almost a week since i left kl for nyc. the feeling of being far away from home can be a wee bit overwhelming. being completely alone without your support system can cripple you in ways that only those who have experienced it can justly describe the feeling. the first few days were quite difficult as i’ve always had those very close to me to act as my personal sounding boards and protectors. very fierce protectors in my case.
it is always the little things that hits you hard. things that you didn’t know or care to miss. i’ve always been a recluse in my own way. an open book to some; those who think that they know me well enough; and a puzzle to those who don’t care enough to even understand.
i left home without sharing the details with most of the people that i know. those who knew are either family members, neighbors(there’s nothing that you can hide from this lot), the housemate/best friend/sometimes confidante/other times well, the opposite of confidante, the significant other and of course their families.
when i was asked by others, i either lied or kept mum about it. yes, i was cursed, were given the silent treatment, received hate mails, were threaten to severe all friendships and worse they had stop communicating at all. i suppose these are the perks of trying to get things done in your own fashion.
i never hated goodbyes, but never quite fond of them either. i’m just impartial towards the notion of temporary and/or permanent goodbyes. there’s no certainty with goodbyes. it is like you’re in a constant flux. not knowing the unknown.
i’m grateful to the very few who wrote to me in return. i was truly touched by their gestures. it didn’t need to be a lengthy essay. atypically, lesser words make more of an impact. and it sure did. i thank for their understanding and standing by me from afar.
to those who felt betrayed and left behind for tatters, i beg of you to have a little faith. this is just a temporary fixture. nothing is permanent. nothing has changed. this is still me in shades that you have not seen before. but ultimately, it is still me.